


Show Yourself

by SilasSolarius



Series: Idea Dump [14]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies), Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, BAMF Alec Lightwood, BAMF Isabelle Lightwood, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Depression, Did I reincarnate Elsa as Alec?, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Reincarnation, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, What the hell did I just do, fight me, yes - Freeform, yes i did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:54:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23447338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilasSolarius/pseuds/SilasSolarius
Summary: When the last breath left her lips, she hadn’t expected to be reborn, especially when it seems she was reborn without her double-edged gift. Now the eldest son of one of the Shadow world’s most powerful families, he finds himself living a life both similar and different from his past. Yet is his cursed gift as gone as he really believes it is?
Relationships: Anna/Kristoff (Disney), Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood
Series: Idea Dump [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/558136
Comments: 24
Kudos: 245
Collections: Identity Crisis





	Show Yourself

Anna was dead.

She had expected it, had known it was coming as she watched her baby sister and Kristoff age before her eyes while she, herself had not. 

Arendelle had flourished under Anna’s rule, as she had known it would, the younger’s kindness and her gentle heart, as well as her bravery and fierceness endearing her subjects to her in a way Elsa had never managed to. Instead, her powers had left her subjects slightly wary of her, though they did their level best to keep it from her.

All the same, she had found her own freedom living alongside her mother’s people, the Northuldra her powers no longer constrained and a thing to fear. She learned their tales, and more about herself, though she’d never expected to. Moreover, they didn’t fear her.

Didn’t fear her magic.

No.

They accepted her and loved her, welcoming her with a warmth she’d never experienced in the main kingdom, and as time passed she started to lower her guard just the slightest bit.

Perhaps it’s why she could feel her magic roiling beneath her skin, her eyes wide as she stared at the peaceful form of her baby sister. At the laugh lines and wrinkles that belayed the younger woman’s seventy-five years. The long silver braid she’d taken to wearing after losing Kristoff and Sven only two years previous.

If she ignored the stillness of her chest, the pallor her skin had taken, she could almost believe she was sleeping.

Could almost believe that Anna would wake up and it would all be a joke.

“Q-queen Elsa?” Wide blue eyes looked away from An- no, not Anna (Not anymore. She was too cold), turning to find one of the younger trolls watching her with a wary, yet mournful expression. One she couldn’t handle, not with the pain lancing through her heart.

Why?

Why had Anna left her all alone?

She’d promised they’d do this together, promised she wouldn’t leave, even as her hair lightened with age, while Elsa remained the same. 

Ice gathered at her fingertips, and the troll (Tal, if she remembered correctly), faltered back a step as the sky beyond the castle walls darkened.

“Anna?” Her voice was soft, almost childlike, contrasting her stunned expression, and she reached forward, hand trembling.

Her sister didn’t respond, not even flinching as the blond’s frosted fingertips touched her cheek. Beside her, Olaf swallowed thickly, watching as the motion seemed to break something inside of his creator, her lips trembling.

With a wail of pure despair, the former Queen shattered, her magic lashing out violently in her anguish. The wind raged, the frost so cold it burned and yet Anna remained untouched. Outside, the other elementals seemed to share her pain, a haunting howl sounding as a storm unleashed its fury.

So great was her despair, she barely even noticed as the ice lashing around her began to creep up her legs in a fashion eerily similar to the way that had nearly killed her all those years ago. Didn’t notice it was getting harder to breath, nor the way Olaf began to fade, Tal having long since fled.

It was only when her vision began to darken that she realized what was happening, yet she made no move to stop it, instead, as her death approached she welcomed it with open arms.

*/*

She awakened to find a woman with dark chocolate eyes and an exhausted smile staring down at her, her skin painted with dark runic tattoos.

“It’s a boy,” Someone announced and her confusion worsened, only clouded by her despair. She opened her mouth to speak, yet to her shock the sound that left her lips was the cry of a babe.

The woman chuckled. “You’re going to be such a strong warrior, Alexander.” She murmured. “A strong and proud Shadowhunter.”

“Like his mother, hm?” Came another voice, (her-  _ his _ ) father, perhaps?

His mother flushed slightly, but smiled at the man who took the newborn as he was handed to him.

Crying out once more in confusion, the former queen closed her eyes, devastated that her peace had been denied. Her new father rocked her slightly, his voice an almost soothing rumble in his chest, and all she could do as it lulled her to sleep was wonder if perhaps, Anna had followed her to this new life.

***/***

Grief, he learned, does not leave when one begins a new life.

Though he settles into his life as Alexander (or rather Alec, as he preferred to be called) two glaring absences leave him feeling bereft and empty. His magic, the ice that had been both his gift and his curse in his former life was gone. It didn’t roil beneath his skin like a barely contained storm, nor did strong emotions lead to frost gathering at his fingertips. Instead, while his skin was still cool to the touch and his previous incarnation’s invulnerability to the cold remained, the ice he’d grown so used to had...vanished.

This would’ve been enough to deter him, yet when combined with the more glaring loss of Anna, the younger sister he’d spent so long protecting, well…

To say he’d been struck by depression at far too early an age would be entirely plausible. His parents seemed concerned, especially when he would go quiet for days on end, lost in the memories only he knew of, yet as the world around them shifted they had less time to worry about it.

As they spent less time with him, he took it upon himself to learn more about the world he’d landed in.

He learned of Nephilim, the race of being he’d been born to. Humans with the blood of the angels, who policed the world around them. Who, if he understood the people that his new parents kept company, were a prejudiced lot, almost cruel in the way they spoke of anyone they deemed beneath them. Especially his new parents leader, Valentine.

The man had been around since his birth, playing the role of a kind uncle and yet it was only when Alec had made the mistake of wondering about why Shadowhunters hated “Downworlders” that he realized that perhaps things were not as they seemed. The man had sneered at him, dark eyes cold as he gave the younger a verbal lashing. Then he’d struck him, growling that there was no sympathy to be given to the downworlders. 

Alec had retreated from the man after that, only going near him when his parents left him with Jocelyn, the man’s wife. Still his fascination with the other races of this world continued.

After all, in Arendelle warlocks, vampires, even Nephilim, were unheard of. They had trolls, pixies, and sorcerers, but beyond that, the creatures of this world were nothing like he’d ever seen.

He learned and watched, listening silently as the adults around him spoke of a war they thought he wouldn’t understand. Listening as    
“Aunt Jocelyn” and Valentine argued as the man grew more cruel. As his own parents grew more haggard and wary of their leader, his mother cautious to rarely leave him alone with the man, who sometimes watched him with a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

Who, once Alec turned three, took over his training.

The man was a brutal teacher, efficient but terrifying, and failure was not an option, because failure meant punishment.

Then, just before Alec’s fourth birthday, he was shaken awake by his mother, her dark eyes serious and her expression solemn.

“Keep quiet.” She ordered softly and he obeyed, keen gaze watching as she gathered a few items and shoved them in a bag. Then she took his hand and they were leaving.

It was only later that he realized that his parents were fleeing their leader, and the reason for it.

His mother was pregnant.

He cries himself to sleep the night they tell him, but only the gods know if the tears are from relief or grief.

*/*

Isabelle Sophia Lightwood comes into the world with a fierce cry.

Her eyes gleam with an intelligence that a newborn shouldn’t possess and the love in them warm his heart the second their gazes meet. Moreover, he recognizes her, just as she does him.

_ Anna. _

To the shock of his parents, his lips curl into a tremulous smile, a single tear escaping his eyes as the infant calms in his arms.

“Shh,” he whispers softly. “I’m here, Izzy-bell. Big brother’s here.” She cooes, eyes slipping closed and he reluctantly hands her back to his mother, before scrambling up onto the bed next to the duo.

Anything to hold onto the warmth coursing through him because he wasn’t alone, not anymore. He barely even notices when his mother places a hand on his head, not until she speaks.

“Remember,  _ hijo _ ,” She began. “You must always protect your sister. Do you understand?”

He nodded, his eyes brighter than she’d ever seen them.

“I will, mama.”

It's the last time in a long time that she will be so kind to him.

*/*

Something about Izzy’s birth changes his parents.

His mother grows cold, upping his training to levels similar to what he’d faced at Valentine’s hand years earlier. She pushes to his limits then beyond them, disappointment in her gaze when he fails to reach the standards she sets for him. His father grows more distant, spending less time at home, and ignoring his existence when he’s there. He, instead, is forced to watch as the man dotes on Isabelle, and tells himself that this must be punishment for shutting her out in that life so long ago.

Isabelle, and later their younger brother, Max, become the lights in the darkness of his life. Izzy proves to remember her past life, and they laugh about him being a male in this life, and mourn those they’d lost. His sister ponders if her husband had followed them into this life and he reassures her that the man more than likely had. Afterall, the love the two had shared had been unbreakable even with Kristoff’s death.

He isn’t sure his sister believes her.

Still, the younger takes to life as a shadowhunter like a fish to water, absorbing knowledge at amazing rates, her kind heart keeping her from adopting the bigotry so prevalent in the society they now live in. He watches as she studies anything she can get her hands on and tries to tell himself that he shouldn’t feel the burst of paternal pride that he does.

Just before his fourteenth birthday, only days after they discover that their mother is pregnant with Max, they gain another sibling. Robert’s parabatai, a man he vaguely remembered as uncle Michael, passed on leaving his twelve year old son to their family and it's all he can do not to become flustered. The boy is handsome, heterochromial eyes dark with a pain he’d rarely ever seen, and when they spar shortly after being introduced the other manages to take him down with an ease that’s almost offensive.

He tells himself that the boy will be another sibling, that they will never be anything but brotherhood between them, even as Izzy gives him sly knowing looks.

Still, he finds himself growing closer to the other as he settles in with their family. He comforts him after his nightmares, and spars with him when all the others in the institute are afraid to. He’s the first the younger boy chooses to drop his guard around and the first to see him cry. Never, in this life nor the former had he had someone trust him so implicitly. Anna, for all that she’d loved him, had been wary of his powers and for good reason, though that had lessened as the woman aged it had never fully vanished.

But Jace...Jace was so much more, and he’s falling before he can stop himself. The moment he realizes it, he asks Jace to become his parabatai. He realizes that though his powers are gone in this life, he’s never truly free to feel and once more, he falls back into the practices Anna had tried to break him out of.

_ Conceal, don’t feel. _

The disappointment in Isabelle’s eyes when she realizes what he’s doing hurts more than he’ll ever let her know.

***/***

Maxwell Joseph Lightwood.

The child is only days old and yet, he loves him more than he’s ever loved anyone. There’s something so warm and trusting in the child’s eyes as he holds him, and everytime he manages to rock him to sleep, his heart thaws just the slightest bit more. This said, he finds himself appalled with how neglectful his parents are towards the babe.

His mother seems to grow even colder, harsher with Max’s birth, to all but Jace who she seems to reserve a small measure of warmth for. His own training reaches levels that he’s sure would’ve broken anyone else and yet he finds himself thankful for it because even with his magic gone, he can still at least protect his family. It's not a sentiment that his sister shares, her lips pursing into a thin angry line whenever she finds him in the training room.

Then shortly after Max’s birth, he’s called into his parents’ office.

They’re placing him in charge as acting head of the institute.

He accepts the “offer” with his heart in his throat trying not to feel as if they’re attaching shackles to his ankles.

He fails.

***/***

He was shutting her out. 

She could see it in the way that he seemed to take more and more missions in between his duties as head of institute. The way he spent as much time as possible raising Max, trying his best to avoid her catching him alone. In fact, this was the first time she’d been alone with him since he’d taken up the mantle as acting head over six months previous and she didn’t like what she saw.

Though he seemed impassive, his eyes spoke of exhaustion, of the same desperate need for freedom that she remembered from their past life. There was also something else, something she hadn’t seen since their early in their former life, just after the gates had opened.

Self-hatred.

Elsa had been terrified of herself after the incident of her magic freezing Anna’s heart, and in turn she’d thought of herself as a monster until the incident with the spirits.

She  _ hated  _ herself so fiercely that Anna had been sure it was only her sister’s need to shelter her and her sense of duty that had kept her from taking her own life. Yet, she couldn’t understand why that look was in Alec’s eyes.

In this life, the magic that had been equal parts a curse and a gift to him was gone, and while Shadowhunters were a strict society, their parents leaving much to be desired, she couldn’t understand why he would feel such a deep self-loathing.

And she’d never been one to not confront the problem.

“You’re shutting me out again.”

Guilt flashed in his gaze and he clenched his jaw. “Iz-”

“Why?” She asked, cutting him off and he looked away, something ancient and hurting lurking in his features. 

Their past life was a subject they’d rarely spoken of since she’d awakened in this one, but at times she couldn’t help but wonder...how long had Elsa lived without her?

Would she like the answer if she found out?

Alec bit his lip, a tell from that life, then bypassed the question altogether. “How was your first mission?”

Her eyes narrowed. “It went fine. No casualties, and one injury. Michaels sprained his wrist when the demon threw him. Now spill.”

Her brother stared at her, then sighed, his shoulders slumping as if the weight of the world rested on them.

“I,” He swallowed. “Father has been talking of arranging a marriage contract for me.”

She frowned, remembering the tiny furtive glances he often sent Jace when he thought no one was looking. The familiar look in his eyes whenever the golden-haired teen was in the room with them, one she’d never seen in Elsa’s eyes but plenty of times in her own and her husband’s.”

“You’re in love with Jace.” She stated, and he flinched as she’d struck him, the self-hatred and guilt in his eyes growing darker and she breathed out a sad sigh.

“Oh,  _ hermano _ .” She whispered and his mask wavered for just a moment.

“I can’t. Izzy, I can’t.” He stammered and she wasn’t even sure he knew what he was pleading for. Crossing the threshold of the office, she rounded the desk and pulled him into a hug, her heart breaking as his larger frame shook with silent sobs.

“Sh,” She soothed, running her fingers through his hair and unbidden a familiar lullaby came to mind, one that had always soothed their troubles in their past life. One Alec had once sang to her in this life and to Max.

_ Where the north wind meets the sea _

_ There's a river full of memory _

_ Sleep, my darling, safe and sound _

_ For in this river all is found _

The tremors began to calm and soon his voice joined hers, deeper than it had been, but no less beautiful.

_ In her waters, deep and true _

_ Lay the answers and a path for you _

_ Dive down deep into her sound _

_ But not too far or you'll be drowned _

He let out a soft broken chuckle. “I still don’t understand why lullaby lyrics are so dark.”

She shrugged, laughing and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Feel better?”

“A little bit.”

“You’ll find someone,” She murmured, continuing to run his fingers through his hair. “Someone who will love you and cherish you. Someone you won’t have to be afraid for.”

He tightened his grip on her but didn’t respond and she knew without looking that he didn’t believe a word.

***/***

His world was falling apart.

Valentine was alive and building towards a second war.

Jace was in love with the man’s daughter, Clary Fray, who until only three weeks previous, had known nothing about the shadow World.

Worse, Jace and Izzy seemed to be rebelling against him at every turn, taking more and more unsanctioned missions to help the girl.

Only two good things had come from the girl’s arrival. The first being Izzy being reunited with Kristoff, or rather Simon, as he was called in this life. He’d known that they’d be reunited once more, though Izzy had been doubtful and had used her various relations with her downworlder allies as a way to distract herself from him.

The other was Magnus Bane.

Since kissing the man at his farce of an almost wedding to Lydia Branwell, he’d found himself falling hard and fast. Izzy had watched it all with a smile, an ‘i told you so’ lurking in her eyes. As Elsa, he’d never had the chance to fall in love, at first afraid of hurting someone, then afraid of being left behind when it became apparent that he didn’t age. Worse, he’d resigned himself to being alone as Alec as well, knowing that falling in love could mean deruning or death with his preference for his own gender.

Then came Magnus.

Magnus, who gently urged him to be himself, who urged him to  _ accept  _ himself. Magnus who gave him the same sense of freedom that he’d gotten when he’d ran from Arendelle the first time and built his palace.

Everything about the warlock drew him in and he went willingly, yet he couldn’t help but feel that soon the other shoe would drop and he’d be left picking up the pieces.

***/***

Max was injured.

Max was injured and Magnus was leaving and everything in him was screaming. 

“As a leader, I have to do what I can to ensure the safety of my people. And the only thing holding me back from doing that...is you.”

Please.

Don’t go. I can’t-

“No,  _ no. _ ” He barely recognizes his own voice, can barely hear himself begging over the sound of something long dormant awakening inside of him, growing more volatile as Magnus continued to speak.

_ Please _ .

“You once asked me what I was afraid of. It was this.”

_ Don’t go. _

The roiling thing inside of him grows louder,  _ stronger _ , and as the elevator closes, he feels it burst out of his chest, as if his heart had torn itself asunder in its agony. Yet the feeling is familiar. One he thought he’d never feel again

Curling in on himself, he lets out a broken laugh, knowing without bothering to glance up that his hands were once more dusted in frost.

Looking up in the direction the burst had flown, he found that the window was completely frozen, and in his reflection...his eyes littered with swirls of electric blue.

His laugh becomes a bitter sob.

There was the other shoe.

***/***

Alec was wearing gloves.

Had they been preparing for a mission, she wouldn’t have noticed it, yet as they stood in the Ops center waiting for the downworlder cabinet to arrive, she can’t help but to. They aren’t the fingerless gloves he wears on long missions when he knows he’s going to be firing for long periods of time. These gloves are matte black and runed leather, but they cover his hands completely and she can’t help but notice that he keeps himself from touching anyone.

Something about the behavior screams of familiarity and yet...she can’t place it. The older she gets in this life, the more her memories as Anna fade, and lately, she’s found herself missing details of the former queen’s life. Details, she can’t help but think would explain why her brother has every inch of skin covered but his face.

Still as Magnus enters the room, his features carefully blank, she pushes the notion aside to focus on another important issue. 

Her brother’s broken heart.

If there was one thing she remembered it was Elsa’s capacity to love. The queen had loved with her whole heart, a trait that had grown stronger when they’d been reborn in this life. There was no way that Magnus wasn’t her brother’s one and only, and she knew that though Alec had survived before him, he would never love another. It made watching them all the more painful, especially when she could see their argument from both sides.

Like Alec, she was loyal to the Clave, for all that she often circumvented the more extreme of their rules. As the head of the Institute, Alec had to think of everyone under his command, and follow the orders of the elders or he’d lose his life, especially in an incident like the Soul sword. Yet he also had a duty to the downworlders to inform them of such a pivotal piece of information, especially if he’d promised them transparency, which made the betrayal and anger Magnus felt understandable. But it hurt to see them this way.

“Any word from Jace and Clary?” Magnus asked and Alec shook his head. “No they should’ve made it to Lake Lyn by now.”

She frowned, leaning over the map, only for her attention to jolt back to her brother when a sharp gasp left his lips.

“Alec?”

He looked up at her, then cried out, clutching at his side where his parabatai rune was. “Jace!”

Fear coursed through her, especially when a more heart-wrenching cry of their other brother’s name left Alec’s lips. The temperature around them seemed to drop, and she was stunned to see familiar tendrils of frost crawling along the walls.

Elsa’s magic.

Oh.

_ Oh. _

One last scream of Jace’s name left her brother, followed by a grief ridden scream and she pulled Magnus away from him just in time for shards of ice to explode into being around them, surrounding the archer protectively.


End file.
